Hey Look! It's Me!

Hey everyone! I'm home! And very glad to be home, actually. It was nice to get away, but home is always the best, right? In fact, I think that's why people take vacations: To remind them how great home actually is. The past few weeks have been rough, I'm not gonna lie. It was very nice to get away for awhile, and not have to worry about things. But even tho it was good to get away, it's time for me to get back to everything and everyone.

California was amazing. I managed to steal the window seat from my sister on the way there. I am so glad that I did! There's just something about being able to look down on clouds... They looked like huge cotton balls. Some of them were wispy and bare looking. Others were thick and full and looked like they might bounce if you touched them. The sky was miraculously blue, and the sun was bright. What a great way to start a vacation!! When we came in to land, it seemed that no matter how close we got to the clouds, we would never be close enough to touch them. And then suddenly we were engulfed, and I couldn't see anything but white out the window. I love flying. :D After we were through the clouds, it was a total contrast. Everything before had been completely natural. Nothing that beautiful could be man made. And then suddenly there were buildings and roads and cars, it was another kind of beautiful. A different kind. But I have to say... I was staring out over everything, and suddenly there was the ocean. Glinting and shimmering in the sunlight, it took my breath away. The waves were crashing in onto the sand. And I was practically having trouble breathing because I was so excited! And then we turned. I craned my neck, and twisted to keep it in sight, but eventually it disappeared. This only made me more excited to go to the beach!

I'm not going to talk a lot about Disneyland, cuz it's nothing new to me. Space mountain is probably my favorite ride. I was able to spend a lot of time with my younger sister; we're already close and this trip it was a ton of fun to spend so much time together. It was great to forget about everything that I had been worrying and stressing so much about.

On Thursday we went to the beach! My mom and sisters stayed at Disneyland, they didn't want to go. But my aunt and uncle, cousins, my dad, and I all went to the beach. I didn't get to spend enough time there! The sand was soft and warm between my toes. The water was freezing! But I didn't mind. I waded in so that the waves reached my knees when they came in. I loved watching the sea foam linger on the beach and on my toes. I walked up and down the beach, leaving footprints in the sand. There were two surfers out in the waves. The beach was calm, and secluded, and wonderful. The weather was perfect. Just cloudy enough to keep the sun off of us, and warm enough to truly enjoy the beach. I wrote my name in the sand with my toes. I made sure to write it close enough to the waters so that when the next wave came in, it was washed away. The sand was covered in shells, but as we had been climbing down to the beach, there had been a sign that had said absolutely no taking anything off the beach. My dad told me no, but whatever. I was on the beach, and I was taking part of it home with me. So as I danced away from my dad through the sand, I watched him. As soon as his back was turned, I'd grab a shell and sneak it into my pocked. I came home with both pockets full of shells. :D All too soon, it was time to leave. I was covered in sand and pretty wet. The bite and sting of the salt water and air covered my skin. I could smell the salt in the air. I love the ocean. Just as we were leaving, I looked up into the sky just in time to have a raindrop land on my face. Can you say Heaven?

The rest of the trip was just as normal. My dad and I were thuroughly sick of Disneyland the day before we left. Just like always. My feet felt like they were gonna fall off, my shins hurt from the climb down to the beach, and my family drove me up the wall. But what's a family vacation without a little complaining, right?

Finally it was time to come home. I was really excited. I managed to weasel the window seat again, although it's harder to see things when you're flying home in the dark. The only times I was able to see anything was during take off and landing. I could see the lights of the cities, the lights of the cars, and that was just as beautiful to me as flying during the day time would have been. All the little lights reminded me of stars in the sky.

And now I'm home. And I'm very excited to be here. It's great to be back, and I think I'm ready to face things. I think my trip to California helped to motivate me. I'm going to work harder this term, and play less. I'm going to do what I need to do and do it well. I'm going to be nicer to my family, I'm going to be nicer to my friends. I'm going to love life. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to keep my room clean, and I'm going to stop procrastinating. And If you believed that last sentence, you don't know me at all. What I should have said is, I'm going to try to keep my room a bit cleaner, and I'm going to try to procrastinate less. ;) But one thing that I am going to do is face things. I'm going to step up to the plate, I'm going to get thigns done. And I will come off victorious. ;)

One of the things I need to face is... well, Jaron and I are done. It hurts to say this. He was my best friend. But there's been too much heartbreak. I've cried too many tears. And I'm done. It's been hard to talk about. It's been hard to think about. I never imagined things would go so wrong, and it would be a lie to say I knew it would come down to this. A lot of things have happened, but I'm starting to heal. I can listen to Dashboard now, even the song Hands Down. That was our song. That's what we would sing (more like scream) along with in the car, laughing the entire time. I can look back without anger. And that's a big step for me. It still hurts sometimes. But even that will eventually fade. So Jaron, if you're reading this (and even if you're not), thank you. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the laughs and the smiles and the times we sat in silence, just... content. I will always treasure those memories. I will never forget them. I'm sad that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you and I'm sorry for the mean things I might have said. I wouldn't trade the time that we spent together for anything. You were truly my best friend, and I loved you more than you'll ever know. But now we both know that it's time to move on. It will be better for both of us. And all I ever wanted is the best for you. So, Jaron, good luck with whatever is ahead for you. I wish you only the best. With all the love in the world, Courtney.

I guess when I chose my title today, I was thinking more along the lines of "I'm home." But I guess what it turned out to mean is... I'm back. I'm happy. I'm going to take care of things, I'm going to work things out. And I'm going to stop worrying. I worry too much. What I look like, what others think of me, what I act like... I've always said that I love being me, and I guess for awhile my confidence to be me was shot. But it's back. I'm back. Hey look! It's me!
*corky*