I don't know if Jaron reads my blog anymore, and honestly I don't care if he is. If he is reading it... well, maybe that's a good thing. I still read his blog, and that might be a good thing, or it might be a bad thing. The thing is, no matter how angry he makes me, no matter how hurt I feel, no matter what happens, I still love the kid to death. And I miss him. When he's sad, I'm sad. When he's happy, well, I get mixed feelings. Sometimes I get angry. Because he's happy without me. Sometimes it makes me really happy, just because he's happy. But when I see him hurting... when I see him feeling like he's all alone... well, it makes me want to comfort him. It makes me want to be there for him, to let him cry on my shoulder, to help him through whatever he's going through. My dad... well, he said something last night that made me think. And it made me feel horrible. He told me that I have to decide between having a lot of friends, and having a best friend. He said that when you have a best friend, it might mean spending every waking minute together. It might mean feeling clingy, or getting over things that anger you. Being a best friend means putting everything aside and caring for that person before you care for yourself. And if that's what being a best friend means, I guess I wasn't a very good friend. There were times where I wanted to spend time with other people, and so I did. I thought I was doing the best I could, but I could have done better. And I truly am sorry for that. I know I was wrong. I know I did some things that might not be rude, or mean, but things that a best friend wouldn't do. I wish I had the chance to be the best best friend. I wish I could show Jaron how much I care for him. I wish I had one more chance to be that friend. I wish I could make him feel better...
yeah, that's how I feel.
*corky*
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4 comments:
Hey, we're talking about this right now, but always remember that I'm here for you.
You did your best, Court. :-)
Courtney,
You did everything you needed to do. So what if you had other friends? So what if you spent time with other people? Friendship isn't marriage!
You are a good friend. As removed as we are from each other, I can and will readily attest to that. You're a wonderful, wonderful friend, Courtney. One of my best friends.
And if anyone ever says different, they're going to have to deal with me.
lol, I'm terrible with words. Spencer totally hit the nail on the head! :-D
And I've thought a little more about what your dad told you. I'll have to tell you about it tomorrow. :-)
Why thank you, piggy boy! ~_~
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